she'll learn to...

The words she spoke had me buttoning up my heavy wool coat; I begin freezing as each word she's held in is spoken. Been longing to say these forever, but it just never seemed right before. Now it doesn't seem to quite matter the time; fore it's easily a quarter past three in the morning as I hear her voice tell me all she hates about me. I don't protest nor do I try to say even a single word, all of she tells me, I must admit is painfully true. Last December, she tells me, is when the end started of our love; because there was a train station she waited at, for me but I never showed, I was still down south, drunk as hell on a bar stool. She sings her regards to the rest of my tired old life; but I sense that she doesn't mean a word of what she whispers. I can't say I'm sorry, there is no excuse for my behavior; but I do say so much without saying anything at all. My enemy is inside of me, so there is no escaping; but I think if I try again this fall I could return to my old self, and I'd paint a wonderful picture. Yet who knows I always fall like a fool to the vice's of life, all those hollow promises; but I'll try to abstinence from pills and whiskey, coke and all the others that keep me from being the real, real me. I sense it's going to rain because my knee aches a little bit; and I wonder to myself how long have we been standing here? There's truth in her moans, this I know. I take her by the hand but she pushes me aside, says, 'enough is enough, my good man,' and I know then there's no re-do. I go home to my lonely apartment and stare out the window, watch the city sleep under the stars; and I relish with delight in the coldness that seeps in through my window. To my favorite sitting chair i start a letter. i start expressing all that i can with no ability to express myself with vocabulary.