if the world's at large why should i remain?

every now and again i can't help but feel down
but that's because i'm always looking up, staring
at the clouds makes me feel so silly for believing
we are infinite or that our problems are anything
worth wasting time calculating out soloutions.

i sleep, eat, work, eat, sleep, and repeat
like my days our numbered. already got
a routine that will have me put down, rest-
ing in an early grave. can't stand the test's
that come with every second of existence.

we invented letters to create words so
we can make words, learn to speak to each other.
but it was in vain, most sentences are ploy's
to describe the things opposite we wanna share.
each night i shed my body of clothes and lies.

water too hot, food too cold, phone too quiet,
head too heavy, memory too full, too content.
got this thing where i can't enjoy satasfaction.
doesn't matter when or where; or even
with whom because the same is what i'll remain.

i smile in photo's and pose for pictures
but the grin is forced beyond all senses
ability to interpert. when i see faces
i gotta fight off the need to run to a place
that's anywhere but where she shows her face.

not that i hate her, quite the contrary;
it's just i got nothing to say; in a memory
is where i am the best possible me.
when she occasionally reflects on the way
time has come and gone so fast, i hope i be
the face that comes to mind when she remembers
it wasn't all as bad as it has been lately.

i can't be there to hold her hand, cannot
be the one to hold her head above the torrent
of water. regret is the only feeling i understand,
but still, small talk is something i don't comprehend.
been so long, i wonder if you'd find me odder than
before; or if my akwardness is the part of me in
once you said, 'what a silly boy, will be a silly man.'

rain makes me feel a little better, reminds me
i'm not the only thing that cry's relentelessly.
god's angels shed tears for human kind's history;
where as i, i just cry because of the theory
that seems to become evident with each passing day.

no matter what i say or where i go or who i know
it ends the same, me hitchiking outta town, now
way before sunrise, can't bare to have another
woman possess the power to break me at their
whim; asked for peace but i got pieces of serenity.