the hustler's passion
my game has already gone
around you more than
once; it's now going
on lap three. you are in
front of me, so then
you believe this position
declares you are going
to be the victor; for once
you start to think, you can
scream, 'i'm a champion!'
until you come around
the next lap, to see me on
my ass, sippin' champagne.
You look at me, I'm laughing
cuz the gaze you lay on
me is so goddamn amusing.
I gotta talk slow, explain
to you in broken down
english, as if you are born
in land that's foriegn
to my own, before I can
begin tho, you start in
with, 'but, i just seen
you. you were behind, standing
there, struggling to keep on
breathing.' and i keep laughing,
'son, listen up, listen
good cause i do not get in
the habit of repeating
myself,' with a look of concern
i look up and question
you, 'do you want a moment
to catch your breath? maybe even
put two and together on your own?'
but you stare at me with something
i can only describe as discontent-
ment, but you assure me, 'if only
looks could kill,' and i reply,
'and if only my aunt had balls, she
would then be my uncle,' and you
look like you gonna fall down, so
i don't hesitate describing to you
the err of arragonce, and how a
victim you became of its boy
like charm, it's devilish ways.
I take a breath of fresh air
and say, 'at least you may
take this to heart. the simple
fact that i didn't have to detail
the mathametics behind the theory
of circles, you saved me the
breath of that, at least.' I
stand up straight, erect to
a full position, stretch a little
and exaggerate my yawn for
dramatic affect. 'Well, I got a
trophy to collect, better
luck next time. Not that it'll
matter, when it comes to
lyricism's and analogies and the
phononics or even able to
manupulate our grammar, I'll
remain the victor. I ain't able
to do much but I can wear
this gold medal of free styler
with pride, now get some water
then get your ass back out there.
'Don't forget son, I got a party
to attend, you still have three
or four more laps to go before
you're even half way past the starter
post.' I see the envy in your
eye's but I don't care, i see
it everywehre I go, whenever I try,
do, speak, hell, even simply appear
people get startled, they see
their defeat in my sprezzatura.
Oh how I imagine my english teacher
would be proud of me, the ability
I have mastered is something so silly
to think I was never able to correctly
say what was what when it came to grammar.
Noun or verb? I got no fucking clue,
I can't remember what does what but I do
know if I say this word with this one here
you get the message, my point is forever
achieved. I can't communicate properly,
I'm told this by more than one of my former
girl friends. They tell me, constantly
that i got communicational problems. I'm unable
to get across the point I mean to,
but that's because i speak in metaphors
and code my emotions behind enigma's
wrapped up in analogies, sealed shut by
a riddle or two. This is just how I be,
it ain't by choice, it's all accidental,
I assure them; but they never really
believe me. And here and there there
has been one or two who was able to see
through me, to the real me, and they
would run faster, and they'd run earlier
cause I guess they see what I know about me.
There ain't much there but the urge to
always need gratafacation. I'll never be
satasfied with anything, but I can devour
the spark of others in amounts you'd swear
it's obscene; but I could go round for
round in the ring against the victor
of the realm of gluttony; when it comes to
attention, i desire all of it, from everybody;
espically a girl I feel momentarily
affection for. Don't take it so personally,
nobody can hope to achieve what I search for.
I'm not crass enough to never admit this,
espically to my true self, because
that's like cheating in individual games.
Solitary or minesweeper, the only time
I've cheated at cards is back in my prime;
that youthful boy who was ahead of his time,
lame in present but a poet at some point;
but back then, I wanted it all. The crime,
the money, the divinity, the absolution of
every sin I commit in the name of my own
amusement, alas, I deflect againa nd again
I begin to rant on and on with a tangent
that had nothing to do with the point
I originally tried to make at the begining
of this verse; so here it goes, remind
myself to concentrate, not let my mind
get a head of myself: the only thing
I cheated at, besides girls and being
a man of grace, is this, when
ever I touched one of those decks, the kind
that gypsy's use to read us or own
future; tarrot cards, my destiny I wanted
to control. Such a fool, so young
still, not just in body but in soul and
spirit. but if you asked me, i'd be the one
to tell you all about the things i ain't
got a clue about; this was the rule of land
where i grew. exageration is the king
of all; the trump card over anything.
ya, exageration is used by the man
who is discontent with life he is in,
so he tells it from a point of view, the one
he wishes was the truth. I know this beyond
a theory, i live it day in and day out, man.
Now I see that even if I succeeded in the
attempt to count the cards, and assure
I recieve the ones I desired for the day
in question is oh so rhetorical. No matter
what I could never know for sure rather
or not what I did even really had an affect other
than a reasuring-placebo. Or even if the
cards I was given by own deceitful
slight of hand ain't the cards I was gonna
get anyhow; oh man how pointless questions do
run through my head until I'm pacing around the
room. No end in sight, not just to my circling
fears but no checkered pattern flag waves in
the distance; the floor in my room will cave in
before i ever grow close to even one solution.
if i envision a triangle i am, they say, playing
god. I mean, a triangle is a shape unknown
anywhere in the world, totally alien and foreign
to nature but simply put it was written down
and then given birth. went from just being
theory to becoming practice; what then,
i ponder can i imagine as fiction? I begin
to play creator in my own delusional land
of imagination: first off, i'll imagine
a combination of two objects, something
I've seen more than on one occasion,
a valley with a sparkling lake and a mountain
to surround it. I've never seen them alone
so I make the one image separate, then
I make them stand alone. One thing,
now two; but I know I've never seen such a thing!
I hear of it, more than often, however it is foreign
to me; as alien as an Indian trying to become a citizen.
Sigh, what then will come of this design?
The triangle became actual but only after years of someone
or more than likely, a collection of someone's
got together to label this shape they all have been
imagining: step two, to explain to the brethren
of whom share their land; the inhabitants would then
in all probability, rejected the conceptual idea, saying
it's heresy! So then, what to do? Thirty percent
vs seventy percent remains completely out numbered and alone.
the schematics of how such a dream went from fantasy
to a reality is irrelevant, all that does matter
is the simple truth in which is that somebody somewhere
began to imagine, create things that cannot be.
A triangle?! Preposterous?! Well maybe, but still
interesting! And maybe a hundred to a century later
the idea was put in to use, and the pyramids did arise,
dotting the skyline like early attenas, satellite receivers!
Goddamn I'd like to bow down my humility to the
man who first spoke up and said what he did see!
Triangles! Unicorns! Heaven's and Hell's! I bet he
did even contemplate the theory of our scripture;
I myself have come to the simple conclusion, after
all this time, that god is similar to that of our triangle.
That is, to us, he is abstract and unknown or seen
in our reality and everyday encounters, but in
lack of face doesn't prove he isn't there, only then
that we to He is nothing but a thought, like, we then
are His Triangles; and to Him, we aren't individual being's
but just the solution to a problem he needed solving'
We are just tools' to Him and Her, the Devil will then
be included in this declaration, we are nothing
but pawn's to the diety's of a realm we will never come in
contact with; no more than just the way we envision
them; but if we are made in His image, well then
there is most def. exclusive clubs that dot the skyline.
Only it doesn't say, 'no colours: no gays,' but more than
likely it states, 'nobody but angel's. human being's
are just a fluke, a bet gone wrong; they are the points
that hold together a higher spiritual realm we can not even
imagine! Envision! If given to us on a platter, I'm confident
to say most of us would still be lost in the haze of evidence.
We are nothing more than a stepping stone, just one
of many realms we need to go through, not like a test, I imagine
it's more like a level, a lesson plan, because to learn
how to be a human who doesn't cause anyone harm is something
that must be a prerequisite before we become angel's or even
something else, something like a member of god's elite entourage.
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