i love you still, i know and that's all that matters

Rare to never is how often on my face
a smile will appear as my countenance;
because it's like plaster, the substance
which makes up my tired, bitter, skin.

Honestly I should totally be over her
by now; yet, I hang on to the memory
that we were once and therefore
can be again, one day, hopefully.

"No good," she said, "no good for
you, my dear." I wish I could show
her the disinterestedness which grew
inside me; 'cos it's much more sinister.

It takes so much effort to even smile
ever so slightly, even worse is for me
to hide my worsening need for cruelty;
although it's evil, I fear it nurtured me.

It's this illogical reasoning that tells
me to keep on destroying these girls;
but it's lies I know, just simple tales
I tell myself so I may rest in slumber.

While I know it is not their fault
that she decided I shall remain without
a heart for rest of days, it's fate,
One more reason to aid my eternal hurt.

For a decade plus I avoided honesty
and seduction like a dance floor party
whore; and suddenly, one tiny, flirty,
glance from her had me believing she was holy.

A fool for her I have been! Now I am able
to accept the past, forget getting on one knee
for an unworthy dame; egad! imagine she
had said yes? What awfulness present would be!

Soon I'm going to be on late night TV
talk shows, singing songs of beauty;
and she'll whisper, hush! to everybody.
'I once knew him,' you'll say with pride&glory;.

A soft smile will inch on your face
as you feel yourself start to blush
recollecting over how I once would touch
you; but back then you said it was tiresome&such.