one more last one

i drop out of sight as i try to perfect
this little thing of mine, the addict-
ion that holds me in place as if it
has a mind of its own. but i bet
you don't mind, you probably haven't
even noticed my absence that
is now a variable of mathematics absolutes.
tried to see the world without
you there and it was kind of not
unlike looking at the sun without
a light. the darkness that tends
to hold me still is now permanent;
or as temporary as a woman who's pregnant.
i couldn't find a reason to attempt
getting a hold of you cause i'm afraid that
you won't answer; and that will hurt
the most out of all the things we haven't
tried yet. i like her the best,
i told her, proudly, i jested
but she just turned, almost,
instantly to the next man who promised
her a life of honest virtue and loads
of money, of course. so these are just
promises i make in hopes i sound
like a grown up, for at least one
evening. this ain't a fairy tale's plot line.
so please just leave your tears at the front
door, we'll return to the children
we were when we met each other in a down
pour of misery. drugs and alcohol didn't
slow us to a pace other than accelerating.
fools rush in, they say, constantly alliterating
that fact; so it's no surprise we got nothing
left of our once passionate romance.
we always were the most silliest of children.