although i hate you for the things you never did for me, i still wish you all the best.

never thought i would play the part

of a man who was unable to use his heart.

wore my love on my sleeve without

hesitation; because i feel no doubt

when she is near. her smile is what

had me sure that even at my worst

she'd see me like i'm wearing sunday's best.

heaven wasn't something i ever thought

existed; but she put that thought to rest

the day she kissed me gently on the chest.

told me she was listening for the beat

of my heart; tried to tell her it won't

be easy. she said, 'that's alright,

time is on our side; fore she ain't

leaving me soon. every night

will be like today, so don't fret.'

three hours is how behind i set

my alarm clock; because that

time i wanted to see if i hadn't

died. before it had buzzed,

i was awake. sleep hadn't

came to me; but slumber found

you. your eyes moved

slowly from side to side as what

ever dream you had, was the best.

once we were cuddling, tight

and close to each other, she decided

to tell me something, 'a secret,'

is what she exasperated

in between moans. she leaned

in close to my ear (if she tried

i'm sure she could'a tasted

my sweat) and started

to whisper but it wasn't

your usual bedside chitchat.

it was at that moment

that i discovered what

it felt like to be content.

she told me, 'you might

not know this quite yet;

but baby, i always get

what it is i desire, what i want.'

right up until she finished

her sentence, i believe i hadn't

known the meaning behind

why we were ever created.

my body went on autopilot,

so she wouldn't sense the fright

that began to paralyze my chest.

never before has anyone understood

my deepest phobia. if you summed

it up, it would be, i'm sure, described

as paranoia; but i assure you that

it's more than that. no, in fact

a weight of mortality hung about

me like it was some sorta belt.

the simple fact that our mortality

is constant, i kept inside like i'm guilty;

fore i am the one had designed our reality.

yet, i told her anyhow, i bet it was that

that made her flea to another man, i bet,

a better man. a guy who's simple yet

kind; cause i told her as earnestly as it

could be said. 'baby girl, my longest

fear is that one day people will conspire against

me and all i believe. but it ain't

what you think, i'm scared of them finding

something that can leave me feeling

happy. the day i forget life is just one

long glitch in nature's evolutionary time line,

it's then i'll return to the great nothing.'

it's odd i know to fear such a thing

as people wanting nothing for me but that i one

day become happy, and am able to remain

there. yet, i try to tell them it's when

death is acknowledged that he remains

at a distance. every second that goes ticking

bye is a knock from the reapers skeleton

fist. he wonders if you have forgotten

about him; because he is a tool for routine

and poetic irony. yup, he is a man

who lives in a world where every evening

is nothing more but some kinda hallowe'en.

trick or treat, pay homage and keep on

giving sacrifices to him, keep on sinning

or he'll creep up when you are sleeping

and take from you the only thing

that's meant a thing, any time that did remain.