Once upon a time,
I knew a girl, a friend
who would ease me
down from any heights
i found myself, it seemed
she'd constantly find
me just hanging around.
She'd touch my skin
from behind my seat
in a yellow mustang.
I'd try to look, turn
and see if it wasn't
just a innocent incident.
The sun's beam's
shined in- resting
politely on her face.
A silhouette
etched out her details;
showing hints of lines
that are to appear
later in life, when
it has all worn thin.
'Cos all her laughter
just designs for her
crow's feet beneath
her tear-felt eyes.
Once we held hands
on a beach coast line;
we acted as if we were one-
just married with passion
still a fresh ingredient
to our never ending attraction.
Even in warm showers
she said I would constantly
seem distant, something
like a corpse, a ghost man
distant to everything.
It was her cheerful voice
which would grab me like a vice
and I'd try hard to be honest,
not to deceive her at least-
not her. I think I thought,
'everyone but her, anyone
but her,' but still I can't
return home from this debt
I feel humble give and give
to this chemical journey.
So I stayed in bed, stayed and read
journals; returning to the habit
of hating everything I felt.
'In your youth,' she'd assure me,
'it couldn't be all the way
I said it had been. Some, if not all
must'a been just bent up angst.'
God how I wish I could believe her.
Now each chime of a clock
sends shivers up & down my spine.
I see deaths hand slowly creep down
my time here on earth, a line
drawn in sand; the end to this punch line.
With certainty I know it'll
eventually end, sooner
than later; so I promise no one
to indulge my vessel's
destination with the unknown.
Cocaine, it robbed me
of a beauty so lovely.
Whiskey had scorned
me to the brink of insanity-
now I can only find misery
in dance club reunions.
Ketamine begs to take
from me, this solemn chance
to find life's happiness.
At least a euphoric style
epiphany that I didn't buy
from a clerk in a store
bought purchase; or a hand
off from a man in a downtown core.
So I steer back home, my car
to the place she waited for me;
sometimes it was I who had to
wait for her to return back
from those nights- to find track
marks on her arm, hinting
she had another one of those
nights, where she'd rather be
anywhere than here in bed with me.
Once upon a time it was I
who couldn't own up to the public adore
for my talented words and dumb slurs.
It was me who could hear their boo's
over the static that blared from speakers.
No I don't have a feeling for
a longing to hit the dance floor.
When I am forced out there
I just sit and hide my pity
behind a glare so bare, people
wonder and ponder if I'm still there.
Please, except of me, this demise
I have set in motion; nothing
can steer me from this fate I envision.
I knew from childhood that misery
is just an affection gone AWOL-
awry- left to hold me here in prayer
for better days; 'cos I still hear
it call my name to say goodbye
each night I try to hit the hay;
try to find comfort in slumber.
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