i know now it'll never end well

song 2:  (hope it doesn't come off as to much, you know what i mean)

pictures of you clutter my yearbook
each time i take off the shelf, to peak a look
at the youth i wasted i can't help
but trace your smile with my finger tips.

feel alone in this world
everyone is so uneducated
and i tend to feel sedated
when i speak to them about
anything worth a goddamn.

i taught myself everything i have learnt;
except those life lessons you taught
me first hand, completely out right
you showed me what it means to have your heart
shattered into pieces you can't
even begin to pick up or put
back together because- what's the point?

on a hot summer day you were ill beyond belief
so i rode a bike to you to bring relief
to your suffering- all the way there i thought
of ways i could take you by the hand
and show you the world, show you what it means
to know love that is not just about sexual
relations with you; but i was so full of fear.

i stared at the door with my hand shaking
so bad i looked like an elder man
suffering from alcoholic tremors and
i knew that if you opened the door
to smile and invite me inside your residence
i'd die- i'd literally fade away.

so i turned tail, turned coat, left the soup
on your stoop with nothing so much as a note.
that day still haunts me like a phobia
i can't shake, i can't find a way to fix
that delima of inferiority i am fixated
with when your eyes lock on mine- god-damn.

like to think that if i had stayed over that night
things would have ended a tad different
but who is to say the outcome of any thing?
then again i'm sure you know, i'm sure you planned
right then and there if i was worthy of your hand
in matronomy, in friendship or even in general.

i can't let this get me down but it still does.
so many have come since you so many to tear me apart
but none of held such a clutch on me like your touch.
it's easy to see i remember everything which is more
of a curse than a praise i assure you of this.

but i just, i just want you to feel so much-
to never know fear or pain, to feel rich
with all the joys life could ever give a woman.
i know now he meant the world to you-
nicknames and pet names for the joy you gave him
it's a shame now that that he can't see you grown
into the beautiful and caring girl you become.

i wish, i try, i know one day i could give you everything
and it's the reason i even wake in the morning
or why i try to continue living this life without crying
and oh my i hope you don't ever see the worst things
life can give a person, not again, not until you are in heaven.